How do you know you found the One?

I interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to give some love to my better half, and provide some guidance for my single brethren and sistren.

I am a very blessed man. I mean very blessed. I found something, the unique someone that people search for sometimes vainly, their entire lives. It is what I call the game changer. You see when it comes to finding a mate, everyone is a GM, and as a GM you do not simply want to add a role player to your franchise, nor a starter, not even an all star though that would be good; you want a superstar, a franchise player, someone who will be the face of the franchise. This is why I found the recent off season for the NBA season so interesting. In what was reported to be the “biggest free agent class ever”, three players and one in particular had every GM salivating, and bending over backwards to court them.They were whined and dined in every city.

Whole fan bases delirious with excitement, and intrigue, created billboards, slogans, songs, dvd’s, and entire websites in their attempts to court one of these superstars.Sports radio, internet hubs, and television outlets were inundated with headlines about the latest news surrounding these athletes.The circus surrounding this season, was so great it literally eclipsed the NBA finals, and created the greatest post season buzz in the entire league’s history. Why? because it was believed that these players did not simply possess the ability to multiply a team’s wins,but the ability to revolutionize a fan base, multiply ticket sales, and single handedly generate enough revenue to stimulate an entire city’s economy. That is a franchise player. I married one.

Proverbs 31:10 asks a very important question,

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

This statement is a very powerful statement and implies at least two things. One, that it is hard to find an excellent wife. Excellent wives, like franchise players are rare. They are not found on every block, or in every church. You just don’t bump into them at the local Ralph’s, and definitely not at the local club. The second is that you cannot put a price tag on an excellent wife. If we combine these two thoughts, we can then assume, that if you find a good wife, you better use every resource at your disposal to convince her that you are the right one for her, because no matter how much you give, the returns are well worth the cost. Her royalties alone, that will exceed whatever you spend on her. Now in no way am I implying that as men you should be sugar daddies, and woo a woman with your wallet. When I speak about spending, I’m talking about energy, thought, time, words, and investing your heart, mind, and soul.

So now the next question we should ask is what makes an excellent wife?

The number one quality in every excellent wife is a fear of God. Proverbs 10:30 (The Message) states

The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

So many women, and men simply look at how ‘fine’ somebody is before they even get to know a person. Looks are important, and a healthy attraction is critical in all relationships, but that should not be your primary starting point in searching for a mate. As a mater of fact the verse above says that beauty is fleeting. Outer beauty fades with age, and sometimes after kids fades quickly. After one kid, my wife is still hot, thank God. Inner beauty however grows stronger with age. So lets examine briefly the fear of God. The Fear of God,  is not simply a belief in God, nor is it a woman that goes to church. I believe the biggest sign that a woman or man fears God is that they pray. No I’m not talking about Lord, I need a car, or help me on this test, or God bless this food, prayers. I am talking about Lord, I need you, I need to know your will in my life, I want to be conformed to your image, prayers.

My wife is and was a woman of faith.  While we were dating, we prayed together, we studied scripture together, labored together and worshiped together. She was not just going to church to find a man, she was going because she wanted to hear from God.

A woman or man who fears God  has a scriptural view of sexuality. They have boundaries when it comes to kissing, hugging, petting, and sex. They will not sleep around, but view sex as something only done in the context of marriage. Being engaged does not entitle one to sex, nor does it entitle a couple to live together before they are married.

My wife and I didn’t kiss during our first couple of months together. It definitely was not because I didn’t want to, because even though I was a christian, a virgin, and loved God, I still could get horny fast. That’s another topic for another day. So anyway one day we were driving up north to see a wedding, and I thought this was my time to kiss. So  I tried a couple of moves and failed. The first move I tried, was while she was driving. I tried to be smooth and put my hand on her thigh and give her a nice massage.I started at the knee and tried to move slowly up. As soon as I got passed the knee, she slapped my hand, and gave me the Gandolf speech; “You shall not pass.”

The second fail occurred at the wedding reception. It was a beautiful night outside, the stars were flickering in the sky, we were at a country club which had an awesome view of the hills. We were sitting inside, while some music was playing, and I was like let’s go outside. It was time for  me to make my next move, the time was right, the night was right. I was going to get my first kiss. So I took her outside, and we walked around and just gazed at the stars. I put my arm around her and told her isn’t this beautiful. Then we walked around to where no one else was and after gazing at the sky, I looked  her in the eyes, I was getting ready to move in. She noticed my moves, read my mind, and said, Why don’t we go inside. Dang, shot down again. But I liked it, I was dating a woman who feared God.

The next quality, and one of the more important qualities is that of faith. This particular faith is not in God, but in your ability as a man. When we were dating, my wife and I were on opposite ends of the financial spectrum. I was the broke student, who’s work afforded him the basics of survival. My wife was in her single lady working mode; she had her own money and didn’t mind spending it. I remember one day while we were dating my wife coming over to my place and opening the refrigerator. She was in shock at what was inside; spider webs, a can of string beans, peanut butter, jelly, and a liter of Sprite. I was like they used to say in the 80’s,” Livin Large”. Needless to say, we went out to eat, and to my surprise the next time I went to see her, she bought me a couple of bags of grocery.  My wife was generous, and was sympathetic to my plight. Even though I was working, I just never had the money to wine and dine her, but she was okay. What made me know she was special was when she told me these words,  “I would marry a janitor, if he were a man of God.” She obviously didn’t know that I made less than a janitor, because they make decent money, and I didn’t. So anyway her statements must have been true, because she married me. Though God did provide for us right before we got married, it was her confidence in the God in me, that inspired me to move forward in our relationship and in life.

These are just some characteristics of an excellent wife, but they are so vital. In your search for a wife, I repeat wife, not girl friend, please consider these qualities, because a woman who possesses these is well on her way to becoming your franchise player.



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3 responses to “How do you know you found the One?

  1. Cesar

    well done my friend. well done.

  2. j

    very inspiring. You should launch your own greeting cards! Your writing brings so much creativity thank you for sharing.

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