Tag Archives: love

The Christian Response to Hate: Where is the Love

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

7 Things I Love About Stay At Home Moms.

sanfran

The modern world with its tendency to classify sociological trends did something interesting. It birthed the title, “stay at home mom”. This describes a sociological shift that occurred in part to industrialization, the rising costs of living, and the potential for greater earnings, where more and more women began entering the workforce. The shift was so great that it needed to distinguish the difference between a “working mom and a stay at home mom”. The biggest myth however when using such descriptors is that a stay at home mom does not “work”.

I want to give a special shot out to the oldest vocation in the world. In fact it is only due to the lack of compensation that it is not the oldest profession in the world.

Let me go way back, back, back, back, in time. Back to the beginning of time. Back to the original command given to man. God himself in Genesis 1:28 states

And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

This great command given to mankind could only be possible given the execution of this role and position; Mom.

The role of all mothers is not merely to usher new life into the world, a great feat on its own, but it is to train, nurture, instruct life enabling human flourishing. It is not just the birthing of the seed, but the tending and gardening of it to see that it realizes all the potential inside.

So here are 7 things I love about my wife and all stay at home moms.

You do it for the love of kids.
When most of the world focuses on compensation, you focus on the love of the kids. This may not apply to all moms, because there are some husbands who due to their overprotectiveness, or insecurity force their wives to stay home.Regardless of the reason, a mom who stays at home is home benefits the kids. Kids need their mothers.Our world is so crazy in that kids spend more time at schools, sleeping, than with their parents. What is even more disappointing is that the stress to place our children in preschool or day care at 3 months old or even younger robs children of that precious time when they are oh so impressionable and need their moms.

Your job is hard
A stay at home mom particularly is a teacher, a chef, a taxidriver, an entertainer, an advocate, counselor, and maid. Your shift lasts much longer than 8-10 hours and you get no overtime. The only raises you see, are the amount of noise and the cost of expenses needed for the job.What can you say, you do it for the love of the kids.

You guys are sooooo important.
In an age where there is so much pressure to get ahead, or to reach the american dream, its nice to know that the time sacrificed to be with the kids is worth not getting there as fast. Even if its a year, or two that you have. That time is invaluable. Time goes so fast. Treasure the time with your kids. Even when you don’t feel like you are making as much a difference, trust me your kids appreciate the fact that they are with their mom.

I know its lonely out there
Its hard being the only adult in the room all day. Its hard not getting to have adult conversations, and knowing your husband is out working potentially with other woman who are made up, and dressed nice. Yet you are not alone. There are plenty of mothers in the same shoes.

Its not about the money, but use it wisely

Its still hard but its easier to be a mom when your husband is making really good money. Not all mom’s are on the same playing field, some have to make it work with less. Super Kudos to those mom’s who can feel the pinch but budget, and use coupons, who save and find resources to make it all work.  Remember you are investing in your kids, but also remember each husband has his own expectations about spending. Please do your best to stay within those lanes. For those moms who are the accountants and manage all the bills, here’s a special shout out. You guys rock! Special shout out to my wife who always finds ways to take care of us without breaking the bank.

Make sure you get your self time
I have a great wife who always is thinking of the kids or for my well being, at the expense of taking care of herself. I have to tell her its okay to go to the gym. The kids will survive. She needs to relieve the stress. I am happy when my wife goes out with her friends and has a ladies night out. I know my wife loves when we are out and the kids are home and we have the time with just us. My biggest concern however for moms who are always giving is that soon you can begin running on fumes. Don’t forget about developing yourself. Never stop growing. Find ways to utilize your strengths, plan for what you want to do when your kids age, and you can go back to work. Be a mentor and help new moms. Read books. Never stop learning. Don’t be afraid to get all dressed up , made up.

You are fulfilling the Great Commission

This is for all those believers who are mothers.Just as God wanted to populate the earth, he also wants to populate heaven. Do you know God counts the empty seats in heaven. Do you know once that last seat is filled, its time to wrap it up. Please disciple your kids. Please pray with them, read the bible with them, and imitate humility, mercy, forgiveness and love not just for them but for God and your husband. You are also their first pastor. Moms you are shepherds. Feed your sheep, not just material food but spiritual food as well. Moms you guys can impact and set a strong foundation for faith for your children while they are young. God honors that, in fact that was always his plan.Remember you are helping to unlock all the potential that is in your child.

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Valentine’s Day Tribute To My Wife

castle

You deserve a castle

fit with golden spears

You deserve a parade

The kids and I would stand and cheer

We’d wait and scream and wave

And then you would  appear

ridin on puffy clouds

pure beauty in the mirror

how can such beauty be

Did God outdo himself?

Did he stay up all night

and rack every book on his shelf?

Did he review the sun’s golden rays

did he copy niagara’s mist?

and translate that into bronzen clay

and grant earth this  precious gift

you are a wonder of the world

but I kept you for my own

a combination of power, love

intellect hewn from skin to bone

You deserve the world

and diamond crested rings

you desire words and precious time

over abundance of things

So what I have I give to you

I offer these words

to cherish and to lavish you

at dawn and dusk to serve

You deserve my love,

my eyes my mouth and my heart

my attention from the rising moon

and where the suns ascension starts

you deserve a song of praise

sung by heaven’s best

  Accept these true and humble words

from your husbands chest.

You’ve made me rich

the envy of men

is daily on display

You deserve this and  so much more

Happy Valentines Day

Written by your Husband Vday 2016

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Seven Things I Learned From My First Seven Years of Marriage With Poem

shoes

By the grace of God, my wife and I just reached seven years of marriage together. It has been a mind blowing experience.  A roller coaster with plenty of twists, turns, and bumps. But through those years I have gained some knowledge, and inspired by my wife I decided I would like to share some things with you. So here are seven things I learned from my first seven years of marriage

1. I didn’t know what I was getting into

Its easy to think about marriage when you are dating, but the level of commitment, trust, and communication is a lot deeper when you get married. When you are dating you can always withdraw or go back to the safety of your own home if your not shacking up. Even still there’s the option of taking a break, or breaking up. With marriage you don’t really have that option. You have to learn how to problem solve. You have to learn how to work things out. At the same time there are so many awesome moments when you share the deep desires of your heart with the person you love, and because of your commitment together, sometimes its easier to say things because you are not as fearful and because you have built a strong level of trust.

2. Good Marriages take work

To survive a marriage you need to put in some work. to have a good marriage it takes even more work. There is a lot of sacrificing, a lot of communication required. There’s times where you need to get advice from older healthier couples. My wife and I have read a couple books, but bought even more and have been to seminars, or conferences to learn how to have a healthier marriage. There are times when we went to counseling to help us through difficult parts. I thank God for our counselor. He has been a blessing. Yet despite all of the learning, there is the implementing of what you are reading and that’s the hardest part. A big part of marriage is learning how to rid yourself of all the bad habits you had when you were single.

3. There are seasons in marriage

Anyone who’s been married long enough will tell you that marriages go through seasons. Some honey moon periods last from a couple of hours to a couple of years. But the honeymoon will end, as life hits you with its twists and turns. The high of dating and being infatuated ends and then you have to learn how to do life together. This is where the friendship aspect of marriage comes in. You have to be romantic, but you also have to know how to be friends, how to talk to one other, to be kind with one another. Communication is so key, we must continually probe and stay interested in our spouses. There’s times when we have to deal with turmoil and loss which often leads to wintery seasons. The wintery seasons can make or break your marriage. They actually teach you how to problem solve, and if you can do that and communicate in a healthy way it will definitely strengthen your marriage. Not all seasons are created equally. Some seasons last longer than others, but you can work your way out of  some of them if you abide by godly principles.

4. Keep boundaries with your family

One of the biggest things about marriage is that you are now starting your own family unit which now takes priority. As a married couple you have to decide how you are going to deal with uncomfortable family dynamics. Family is always family, but as a unit you must communicate that your spouse is important to you and is now your priority. Depending on your family this can become tricky, but one tip that my wife and I learned from a counselor was this. Do not share all of your marital drama with your parents b/c it will inadvertently affect how they treat your spouse. Parents are for the most part biased, and you don’t want to give any ammunition to look at your spouse in a negative light.  This is not to say you cannot share anything, but to realize sharing marital problems is adding another party to the mix that can often stir things up more. This is why its better to find outside counsel if possible.

5. Laughter makes the heart grow fonder

Try to have fun. Whether its date night, watching funny programs, tickling each other or cracking jokes, laughter makes things so much easier. I can tell you there are times when it felt like things were falling apart, how much easier it is when you just take a step back and laugh. I have heard plenty of stories where huge arguments started over the most simple things. You have to learn how to laugh at yourself. Flirt with each other. Be around funny people. Watch a funny movie. One thing I love about my wife is her bad sense of humor. She tells jokes that no one else will laugh at but herself; its cute. Though we have different tastes in comedy, just seeing her laugh makes the air lighter.

6. Sex/Intimacy covers a multitude of sins

I know that this may seem a little crude, but sex is a good thing. Men often but not always crave sex more than their female counterparts. For a man regular sex keeps his appetite from raging and can keep him from roaming for greener pastures. I couldn’t believe stories of men going for months up to a year without having sex. That is torture and a recipe for unfaithfulness. There are times when my wife and I have been at odds, but often times being intimate physically released some of the tensions so we could move forward. When I speak of intimacy, that is that time when you gaze in to your spouses eyes, when you brush her hair with your hand, a gentle caress and just talk. You talk about dreams, goals, sometimes worries and fears. What separates this from regular conversation is the closeness and attentiveness both physically, mentally and emotionally. Women desire intimacy like men desire sex. Its a constant drive that needs to be fulfilled.

7. Prayer and Scripture are vital and work

I prayed before I met my wife, I prayed before I married her, I still continue to pray with her and for her. It is the lifeblood of our relationship. I believe God was active in our relationship, and I believe that he has a bigger purpose than us just living together and having a family. We pray in times of good and bad. Prayer is the act of us directly inviting God into our relationship. We ask him to break off the stubbornness of our partner during times when it seems like they are deaf. I pray that God would soften my heart when at times I get callous. For a Christian prayer and study of God’s word are instrumental to the process of sanctification( growing to become more like Christ) How can we become more like Christ if we don’t pray or know his Word.  Prayer and study hasn’t always been easy. There have been times where I or my wife have been too mad to pray together, so one of us stayed silent or just refused. However I have noticed the more frequent we pray both individually and collectively the more attentive and focused we are.

There are so many things that I could add, but out of the respect for seven I will limit it to these. Maybe I will do a part two for Valentine’s day. But to close this blog out I want to close with some descriptions of marriage from some of our closest married friends, but I will lead with my wife who inspired this section.

Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness” ( That was real good babe, you put me to shame. )

“Marriage is a roller coaster. Strap in and enjoy the ride”!

“Marriage is like a delicate flower. It must be cared for, watered daily, never handled roughly and the Son must shine on it each day.” 

“In a world of celebrities constantly splitting up, having a good solid marriage is something that can make others believe that God makes a difference and that lifetime love is possible.”

“Marriage is a mosaic;  you build with your spouse millions of tiny moments that create your love story. “

“Marriage is God’s way of drawing us closer to him. Every day we have the opportunity to honor him by loving and respecting our spouse.”

This next poem is  one I wrote and dedicated to my wife.

Seventh Mile

We have reached a week, a cycle of seven

Many have slipped on their steps to heaven

But onwards we march, though the climbs steep

through the rocks and the crags, near the serpents that creep

We run through the dark with our torch in hand

Through the muddy waters, and through the quick sand

like a marathon runner except joined by the side

we race against foes that spurn and they pry

they bend and they blast, to undo and unfast

A couple shots we have taken,  a few arrows have pierced

the war on our bonds, has at times waged fierce

A cycle of seven, we have made it thus far

a journey to heaven, through the clouds to the stars

In your eyes I see sparks

In your arms I feel warm

That gives us strength as we rise

when we are blind in the storm

when we dance in the sun

let our love be the beat

let us spin and lets twirl

through the cold and the heat

A cycle of seven, with more yet to come

Our God calls us onward, so onward lets run

To my beautiful wife on our anniversary. I love you more with every inch and mile we step together. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Why every husband should be interested in gardening: Lessons from the Garden Pt 1.

vine

I’ve never considered myself a great gardener. I can’t imagine myself tending to tomato plants wearing the protective gloves, and snipping off thorns, pruning, and preening plants. I never thought I would have to water them daily, looking for weeds, and for pests that would like to spoil the fruit. I never thought I would have to hold an umbrella over my precious plants in case of hail. I never thought of myself as a gardener, yet the moment I became married I became one.

In fact I became the chief steward of the most precious vine I know; my wife.

My wife is such a beautiful vine. She’s so gentle, her skin sparkles like fine wine. Her glow is contagious, and she has endured many a storm, and come out victorious. She’s a strong vine, yet part of her strength, her durability comes from my success as a gardener. Over the next few posts I want to share some lessons husbands can glean by understanding our roles as gardeners. The first passage I want to look at is from Isaiah 5:1

Let me sing for my beloved

my love song concerning his vineyard:

My beloved had a vineyard

on a very fertile hill.

He dug it and cleared it of stones,

and planted it with choice vines;

he built a watchtower in the midst of it,

and hewed out a wine vat in it

This passage in Isaiah is a beautiful picture of Gods love for his people. It uses two metaphors; the first of lovers the second of a gardener tending his garden. This passage is rich in applications for marriage particularly for husbands.

This is not the only reference to husbands as gardeners, because the first gardener Adam was also the first husband.  I don’t think it is by happen stance that Adam had to learn how to tend to the garden before he would be responsible and competent enough to tend to Eve. Coincidentally , even the English word husband has a variant meaning from the Norse that defines husband as a man who was the tiller of soil. So we see that both historically and culturally that there is a connection between husbands and tending the land.

One of the first descriptives that we have of this gardener and his vineyard was that it was a relationship filled with love. Look at the first words “Let me sing.” Can’t you feel the romance? Here you have this man this husbandman bursting into song about his “beloved”. You see you can’t really sing with out emotion. This man had such strong feelings for his beloved that he could not keep them to himself, he had to share with someone the great feelings he had.  You know this is what happens when a relationship is serious. You go from maybe secretly dating, to then publicly expressing your love. Ironically what happens after marriage is the opposite rather than publicly expressing our love and affection for our wives we end up having powwows about the proverbial “old battle axe“. The sweet lines, the poems, the

“Oh baby you look so fine you blowing my mind” (Corny I know, and no I never used it) 

turns into

” Woman , slow down. Do you know your gut is getting as big as mine”.

But you see that is not the mark of the gardener. The gardener says,

“Baby I’m a shower you with words. I’m in love with you and I want everyone to know that you are my boo, my sweet thang, my better half.”

Even for small things like  being late to an event because of our wives beautifying times and excessive wardrobe changes, publicly criticizing or joking about ones wife is never beneficial.  It is best not to blame our tardiness on our wives. You see I know how I can personally limit my wife’s beautifying time. It’s actually pretty simple but something I don’t do as often.  When my wife asks “babe how does this look “, 63.5% of the time I can limit a wardrobe change by answering something like this,

Babe you look amazing in that dress , you must be losing weight what are you now like a size 4 (however big that is).”

But keeping with the theme of the gardener the better way is to sing your response. Next time she asks the eternal question, get down on one knee and begin singing

“You look so good
 You look so good to me can’t you see.”

Don’t worry if your voice cracks and if for whatever reason  your wife  after being serenaded does not sense the sincerity, the passion in your singing and attributes it to thinks you being sarcastic; just record it. It’s guaranteed to be a YouTube hit. Despite your greatest attempts there’s Still a 36.5% chance she will do at least one wardrobe change. Where do I get my stats from, you may ask? Well obviously from the most reliable source, the same well that Abraham Lincoln drew from; the internet.

All jesting aside, verbally affirming your wife is the first skill we can learn from the gardener. It is so simple, but so seldom done by us men except when we want sex. Taking it a step further, publicly affirming our wives is like breathing fresh air into our relationships. Less we run the risk of showmanship our public praises must not be outdone by private criticism. For our praise to be genuine and effective there must be a healthy dose of private and public praise.

So practically when’s the last time you told your wife she looks beautiful with out her asking how she looked?

Thanked her or praised her for

  • how well she’s cooked?
  • how well she’s handled the kids?
  • Being patient with your stubbornness.?
  • How smart she is?

To my wife who will be the first one to read this

I publicly declare my love for you. I love how you have given yourself to raising our son. You are a powerful woman of God, a kingdom shaker, and a force to be reckoned with. You are bold, smart, and I look forward to seeing God use you mightily. Thank you for pushing me, inspiring me, forgiving me and putting up with all my faults and failures. I am growing even if it’s  at a snails pace.

Men, pray for me as I pray for you. Part 2 is coming up soon.

Leave a comment

October 7, 2013 · 11:40 pm

Marriage after Death: Can we be married forever?

Can we be married forever?  This is a good question, a funny one, because in the west low estimates show that about 40% of marriages end in divorce, and the average length of those marriages is seven years. So the remaining 60% or so of couples must remain married right? The bigger question, sometimes the more romantic question is if marriages remain after death. I mean when you are in love, you can sweep your lady off her feet by telling her, “Baby if we ain’t married in heaven, I don’t want to be there. That’s how much I love you. “Of course you will end up with one hell of a marriage, Cue the drum roll, ” sh dun, dun”.

Is marriage possible in the after life? If so will our wedding  rings be upgraded along with our bodies, to where 1 carrot diamonds are automatically upgraded to 100 carots. I mean if the streets of heaven are paved with gold, at least the wedding band has to be platinum, I mean when the streets are better quality than the wedding ring, you’ve fallen on hard times. I mean c’mon.

Well so what about people that go to hell? I assume if there were marriages after death and the wife was the good one who cooked for faithfully served her husband, loved him with all her heart, only to die of a heart attack after he cheated on her and left her. She then  goes to heaven, while her husband burns his cheating butt in hell. In heaven is she free to remarry  the tall dark and handsome man of her dreams? Because after all what better place to find the man of your dreams than in heaven. So her new husband that she now finds in heaven, if she can have one must literally be to die for. I apologize for all the bad jokes, but we can see that there could be a couple of complications when we think about marrying in the afterlife, or pretty much heaven, because in hell you have no options; you are stuck with the husband or wife from hell. Imagine being nagged, everyday …..forever! That’s enough to make any man get saved. Okay that was the last bad joke.

So what does the Bible say about marriage in the afterlife? I have two scriptures to show you. The first is from God himself, he is responding to a religious sect called the Saducees who don’t believe in an after life. In fact one the reasons that they refused to believe in an afterlife is because they found it hard to figure out how things like marriages would work in heaven. So they propose this riddle to Jesus and ask him about a woman who’s been married seven times, and all of her husbands have died. The question is whose wife will she be in heaven? This is what Jesus says,

Jesus answered and said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.(Luke 20:34-36)

So from the mouth of Jesus, there are no marriages being performed in heaven. I can see some people say, well that means there are no new marriages, but what about old marriages, people who were already married? One,  I would say that the phrase equal to the angels, rules that out.  How so? The Bible says those who are resurrected will receive glorified bodies. If these bodies are similar to those of angels then those bodies appear to be without gender; they have the ability to manipulate forms here on earth but they do not appear to made for the function of procreation at least in heaven.  Though there are passages that some scholars think hint to angels being intimate with humans ,there are no accounts of angels being intimate with each other. What are you telling me that there’s no sex in heaven? Yeah buddy there’s a strong possibility that there is none. But I am getting off track. Let’s focus again on the topic of marriages. So if there are no new marriages in heaven what happens to the old ones?

It is here that I have to interview my brother Paul. Paul is making a case how we are now dead to the law, so that we can be alive and married to Christ and he uses the metaphor of a marriage.

-3 You shouldn’t have any trouble understanding this, friends, for you know all the ins and outs of the law—how it works and how its power touches only the living. For instance, a wife is legally tied to her husband while he lives, but if he dies, she’s free. If she lives with another man while her husband is living, she’s obviously an adulteress. But if he dies, she is quite free to marry another man in good conscience, with no one’s disapproval.

The key concept to understand this passage is that the law only applies to those who are alive. You cannot charge a dead man with jaywalking, or stealing. He is dead. So how does that apply to marriages. First it is the law that legitimizes your marriage. This is why you can’t just cohabitate and say we are married in our hearts. No it is the law, the certificate that authorizes and validates your marriage. It makes it authentic. Without the law there is now marriage.  So when one person dies, the law that binds the marriage is no longer in effect. So this is why Paul says a woman whose husband dies, is able to remarry without any concern of worry of committing adultery. Why? Because her marriage has been made void by the death of her husband. This implies that death is the end of our marriage; that marriages do not make it to heaven.They are not legal, not valid. I’ll use a contemporary example. One of the reasons that same-sex marriage advocates must eventually press for a national amendment is because states that legalize marriage in one state, can find that their marriage license is not recognized in another state. In the same way, our marriages don’t appear to be recognized in heaven.

Scripture does speak of one wedding however, and one marriage in scripture and it is the marriage of Christ with his bride.

my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God. ( Romans 7:4)

For your Maker is your husband,
      The LORD of hosts is His name;
      And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
      He is called the God of the whole earth.
       6 For the LORD has called you
      Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
      Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
      Says your God.
       7 “ For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
      But with great mercies I will gather you.
       8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
      But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”
      Says the LORD, your Redeemer.(Isaiah 54:5-8)

and of course the famous

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:25-27)

I love this. Were you reading these scriptures? God chose to marry us; a broken down harlot. A rejected and beat down woman, whom the world spit out, and mocked,God sees, he loves, cleans up and marries. You see the reason that the movie Pretty Woman, The Wedding Singer, and any other love story appeals to women is because innately God put a desire for love.  People get excited over the royal wedding, that cannot hold a flame to the epic wedding of the King of Kings.

Don’t you see that the glories of this life; in its feasts, its weddings; its love; its emotions are just precursors, types shadows of that which is to come. The real thing is so much more; they can’t touch the real thing.  So don’t sacrifice the real thing for the shadow. If your single and wanting to get married be patient, don’t sell out to any punk, or skank. I know that is hard language but someone needs to hear it; you are far more valuable than a late night stand. Here’s the kicker, and I know some people don’t want to hear it but I’ll say it anyway, even if you never get married in this life, what is coming is so much better. Do not lose faith. I repeat do not give up on God.

So what are the major implications of all of this. I want to highlight two things. As mentioned in a prior post, The priesthood in Marriage, our marriages here are a foreshadowing of the event that is to come when we are joined together with Christ our God forever. This is why God hates divorce, because it misrepresents and distorts the truth that is implicit in marriage.

The last thing has to do with the nature of heaven, of the kingdom, of the afterlife. You see there are many who will trip out on not being married in heaven, or possible not having sex in heaven, but the focus of heaven, of the kingdom of God, of the afterlife is Christ. The main reward or pleasure in heaven is God. We get to see him! We get to touch him! Talk to him and experience him in a way that man has never done before! This is why some people wont go heaven, and don’t want to go to heaven; because they do not want God. I want him, I miss him, and am longing to see him, just as a bride is longing to see her groom. You see every bride wears a veil. Today we wear a veil, but one day it will be taken away and we will see God as he is. Oh what a beautiful day that will be! What a party we will have, for all those who long for his coming! If you do not long to see Christ, you might not be his, and I will pray for you, but to all those who do let us echo the last words of the holy book.

Maranatha, Lord Come. The Spirit and the Bride say Come. Come soon Lord Jesus, Come soon!

21 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

How do you know you found the One?

I interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to give some love to my better half, and provide some guidance for my single brethren and sistren.

I am a very blessed man. I mean very blessed. I found something, the unique someone that people search for sometimes vainly, their entire lives. It is what I call the game changer. You see when it comes to finding a mate, everyone is a GM, and as a GM you do not simply want to add a role player to your franchise, nor a starter, not even an all star though that would be good; you want a superstar, a franchise player, someone who will be the face of the franchise. This is why I found the recent off season for the NBA season so interesting. In what was reported to be the “biggest free agent class ever”, three players and one in particular had every GM salivating, and bending over backwards to court them.They were whined and dined in every city.

Whole fan bases delirious with excitement, and intrigue, created billboards, slogans, songs, dvd’s, and entire websites in their attempts to court one of these superstars.Sports radio, internet hubs, and television outlets were inundated with headlines about the latest news surrounding these athletes.The circus surrounding this season, was so great it literally eclipsed the NBA finals, and created the greatest post season buzz in the entire league’s history. Why? because it was believed that these players did not simply possess the ability to multiply a team’s wins,but the ability to revolutionize a fan base, multiply ticket sales, and single handedly generate enough revenue to stimulate an entire city’s economy. That is a franchise player. I married one.

Proverbs 31:10 asks a very important question,

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

This statement is a very powerful statement and implies at least two things. One, that it is hard to find an excellent wife. Excellent wives, like franchise players are rare. They are not found on every block, or in every church. You just don’t bump into them at the local Ralph’s, and definitely not at the local club. The second is that you cannot put a price tag on an excellent wife. If we combine these two thoughts, we can then assume, that if you find a good wife, you better use every resource at your disposal to convince her that you are the right one for her, because no matter how much you give, the returns are well worth the cost. Her royalties alone, that will exceed whatever you spend on her. Now in no way am I implying that as men you should be sugar daddies, and woo a woman with your wallet. When I speak about spending, I’m talking about energy, thought, time, words, and investing your heart, mind, and soul.

So now the next question we should ask is what makes an excellent wife?

The number one quality in every excellent wife is a fear of God. Proverbs 10:30 (The Message) states

The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

So many women, and men simply look at how ‘fine’ somebody is before they even get to know a person. Looks are important, and a healthy attraction is critical in all relationships, but that should not be your primary starting point in searching for a mate. As a mater of fact the verse above says that beauty is fleeting. Outer beauty fades with age, and sometimes after kids fades quickly. After one kid, my wife is still hot, thank God. Inner beauty however grows stronger with age. So lets examine briefly the fear of God. The Fear of God,  is not simply a belief in God, nor is it a woman that goes to church. I believe the biggest sign that a woman or man fears God is that they pray. No I’m not talking about Lord, I need a car, or help me on this test, or God bless this food, prayers. I am talking about Lord, I need you, I need to know your will in my life, I want to be conformed to your image, prayers.

My wife is and was a woman of faith.  While we were dating, we prayed together, we studied scripture together, labored together and worshiped together. She was not just going to church to find a man, she was going because she wanted to hear from God.

A woman or man who fears God  has a scriptural view of sexuality. They have boundaries when it comes to kissing, hugging, petting, and sex. They will not sleep around, but view sex as something only done in the context of marriage. Being engaged does not entitle one to sex, nor does it entitle a couple to live together before they are married.

My wife and I didn’t kiss during our first couple of months together. It definitely was not because I didn’t want to, because even though I was a christian, a virgin, and loved God, I still could get horny fast. That’s another topic for another day. So anyway one day we were driving up north to see a wedding, and I thought this was my time to kiss. So  I tried a couple of moves and failed. The first move I tried, was while she was driving. I tried to be smooth and put my hand on her thigh and give her a nice massage.I started at the knee and tried to move slowly up. As soon as I got passed the knee, she slapped my hand, and gave me the Gandolf speech; “You shall not pass.”

The second fail occurred at the wedding reception. It was a beautiful night outside, the stars were flickering in the sky, we were at a country club which had an awesome view of the hills. We were sitting inside, while some music was playing, and I was like let’s go outside. It was time for  me to make my next move, the time was right, the night was right. I was going to get my first kiss. So I took her outside, and we walked around and just gazed at the stars. I put my arm around her and told her isn’t this beautiful. Then we walked around to where no one else was and after gazing at the sky, I looked  her in the eyes, I was getting ready to move in. She noticed my moves, read my mind, and said, Why don’t we go inside. Dang, shot down again. But I liked it, I was dating a woman who feared God.

The next quality, and one of the more important qualities is that of faith. This particular faith is not in God, but in your ability as a man. When we were dating, my wife and I were on opposite ends of the financial spectrum. I was the broke student, who’s work afforded him the basics of survival. My wife was in her single lady working mode; she had her own money and didn’t mind spending it. I remember one day while we were dating my wife coming over to my place and opening the refrigerator. She was in shock at what was inside; spider webs, a can of string beans, peanut butter, jelly, and a liter of Sprite. I was like they used to say in the 80’s,” Livin Large”. Needless to say, we went out to eat, and to my surprise the next time I went to see her, she bought me a couple of bags of grocery.  My wife was generous, and was sympathetic to my plight. Even though I was working, I just never had the money to wine and dine her, but she was okay. What made me know she was special was when she told me these words,  “I would marry a janitor, if he were a man of God.” She obviously didn’t know that I made less than a janitor, because they make decent money, and I didn’t. So anyway her statements must have been true, because she married me. Though God did provide for us right before we got married, it was her confidence in the God in me, that inspired me to move forward in our relationship and in life.

These are just some characteristics of an excellent wife, but they are so vital. In your search for a wife, I repeat wife, not girl friend, please consider these qualities, because a woman who possesses these is well on her way to becoming your franchise player.

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized